Poke that face.

You know how people behave differently infront of different people and different places?

That is call 2 face or as many faces as you may like.

I'm not here to condemn these people because like it or not, EVERYBODY is like this. I am. That has become a way of living, a living condition. As much as we all like to think honesty is the best policy, it is not. What we label as "the best" is just something for the human race to aim for. You can never reach it, that's why you will keep moving forward.

But acting differently under different situations does not means that I'm putting on a show, presenting people with a false personality.

For example, when I'm with my lieutenant I can be bimbotic, clingy and weak. That is because being with a guy I love can make me feel so taken care of I barely have to think or worry about anything. Loving somebody involves a great deal of trust I guess, so much so that I barely doubt anything he tells me. Even if it is it something very ridiculous, it sometimes take me 10 minutes to detect it. I can be bimbotic. I want him to accompany me, I want to be the first thing that comes to his mind whenever possible ( actually, i meant all the time.lol). I can be clingy. I can cry and play foul because I want him to be nice and close. I can be weak.

When I am out drinking, I can be independent and adventurous. My mind starts calculating how much I can exploit from a game of 5, 10, how much more I can benefit from a random conversation from a random stranger, how much risk am I getting myself to. When I drink, I have to embark great self-control. I do not believe in spending money and stomach space on alcohol and not to feel high. If you want that, go drink herbal tea. I say self control because I need to feel stupid and reckless but also sane enough to get my ass back home when I want to instead of finding myself in an unfamiliar bed.

When I am out partying, I am always nonchalent and wild. I HATE IT, when see girls being girls aka pussies. If you want to play girly girls, go play maple story or get a picnic. When I say wild, i don't mean desperate or easy because one, I don't need strangers to do anything to increase my self worth because it's not like they can do anything about that. Secondly, just because I am feel bored does not means I don't pick my toys wisely. When I party, I party. I don't half fuck around, and that is why my girlfriends and I hate half fuckers on the dancefloor.

Who needs a confused dick.

I hate confused fuckers. Having more than 1 face is good, at least you know what you wanna show to different people at different places to get what you want. I know what I want.

This rant is inspired by my sudden urge to blog here even though I'm much more active on my new blog these days. All the things I say there are true and sometimes even more genuine as a girl, as a whinny little girl than what I say here but urgh, when I need to be a bitch, I still like to share it with you guys.

Life is quite happening now, I think. Laughs.

Pubbing, drugging ( not me, obviously) and suicides.

I love boat quay, maybe it's just the age thing working on me. Clubbing is too... easy. Chilling and serenity is tougher.

Looking back on 18.

Nice.

Woke up feeling the stench of Chardonnay, Samui, Absolut and Redbull( home-made,laughs) hanging at the tip of my tongue. They even had Cigar.

Spinned around Boat Quay and the clarkes last night with nicer people - people who will love me forever.

Walking, screaming and yelling like a bunch of mad bitches around clarke quay was a weekly routine to me in the past. We either drown ourselves with sex on the beach or lychee martini before creating chaos in dbl o... haha... thinking about it makes me laugh.It was good in a not-so-good way.

I miss screaming like this.
I miss shutting my phone after every quarrel with boyfriends, say " fuck love" and go party.

To think about it, maybe I don't fancy clubbing that much. I dig the pre-party aniticipation and the peak of my impossible state after 15 glasses of lychee martinis/cosmo. Life was so easy back then, stepping on people's shoes, bumping into regulars, not being able to walk straight, swearing loudly while on the way to dbl o with the girls...

Theodora goes, " Fuck man, fucking cheebye, why so slow"

Or,"Fuck you, don't be a cheebye, faster drink!"

haha.

Tara goes, " KNN, why so many *****s tonight one.cbness"

or,"Fuck man, the cheebye martinis fucking me up".

Joey might say,"Ultimate fucker that one, act what act"

or,"Stare his La*".

Haha.forgive me. I didn't mean to bore you with my random thoughts.

It's just... a little bit painful to see some things online...certain things that show what some people were doing while I was waiting for something that was never gonna come on a saturday night.. I am maybe, passively angry that I'm so inadequate now.

Nobody's fault.

My stupidity.

Hail the perfect lover. zZZZ

Yes, yes.

I understand how you feel that there is no reason for you to give up your plain boyfriend ( the one as plain as you but at least not annoying because he knows how to shut up better than you do) because you don't know that he goes clubbing behind your back more than you can catch me say fuck in 24 hours.

Yes, yes.

I understand how you feel that he is the only creature worth to die for because you have not seen how he put his deprived hands on some fat chick's waist ( i mean, if you call that a waist or if you can locate one).

Yes, yes.

I understand how you think that your relationship is the purest of all love and that it is almighty because you have not seen how he tried to get a group of girls high in my favourite playground with my boyfriend's bottle of vodka.

Yes, yes.

I understand how not a fool you are to sink into something so ugly because you've not heard how he "ranted" about how the fat chick was sooooo into him.

Oh yes. I understand. Of course, I do.

Because I've seen and heard them.
Because I am not plain.
Because I've yet to catch my boyfriend straying behind my back with a fat chick.

Even if I look bad as a person fagging, drinking and partying.
At least I have a life, even if it's a rotten one.
It should be time you get yours.

Furthermore, even if I stole or robbed my boyfriend's full attention from anyone, I think i'm doing better than crying for somebody else's boyfriend.

And even if you do not do all the above that what you think makes one unworthy to deserve love, you are no better.

Bitching on that space of yours that i bet have no more than what...10?15? I bet you 20 the most readers a day... hoping for a breakup in somebody else's relationship.

I wanted to say karma will get to you but oh no, I think being like you and thinking like you is the greatest form of punishment karma can provide.

Fuck you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good, I feel good. It feels like I haven shat for years.

You know I rarely do this, or in fact I've been a rather self obsessed person. I blog about me,myself and I. I think that it is a waste of space and honour to even dedicate a sentence here to somebody I deem loserish.

It is a shame to say that this stupid girl got into me but it's okay.

I'm doing this once and for all, unlike her- She does it every month ever since she knows of my existence on her blog and god knows how often privately.

But it's ok, me no give two fucks about it.
I'm done with it and I'm happy:D

Anyway, I am blogging somewhere else now.
Whether to share the space with you people or not, I'm still contemplating.

Be it yes or no, I appreciate the readership that kept me going these while even though there are fuckers within. And it sure feels good to bitch about some loserish bitch with a few hundred people at once:D

My friends should have seen my new url on my msn.

Or else, tataricity@hotmail.com

xoxo.

Is that all?

Have you heard of this song, sweet and low?

Try it.

I played it 49 times since I got home. And I still can't believe in.

Promises

Today buddy told me,

promises are meant to be broken. They are made because girls like them. And that I shouldn't be too ashamed being a victim of that.

And then I start to wonder if they are broken to make girls like them ( promises) even more?

Hilarious, people around me can be so cynical. My best buddy for 7 years, Thomas H ( laughs) CANNOT EVEN BE BOTHERED to fake a pretty lie to stop my depression. I secretly admire him for being able to keep himself so composed despite being in a relationship for so long.

Even funnier, people like us, inclusive of myself tend to forget such a rule so easily.

Frankly, I think his cynicism is ...for lack of a better word...terrifying. It seems like just yesterday I was the almighty princess plotting these stupid but mostly relevant rules with him at SPIZE. We call this counter attack. There is absolutely nothing wrong with abiding by such rules because, even if you don't do it to anyone, somebody might just do it to you and chances are, they will.

So why not?
Let's have our fair share.

When I was younger, every failed relationship made me frustrated at myself for believing in something I used to think is not worth the pain. Once, I got so furious with making the same mistake, I spent quite some hell of a time thinking the reasons why I just cannot learn. As I grow older, as I continue to trust a little more, bit by bit... I struggle to fix the clues I can manage here and there.

Maybe, I do see truth in promises.
People, or should I say MOST people make promises meaning to keep them UNTIL the moment they break it. That's why perhaps, broken promises are all unintentional?

And people simply keep trusting because it's not the truth we take, it's the person who choose. And that simply means, people make fucked up choices all the motherfucking time.

ps: Thomas H, thanks for everything. You reminded me not to cry tonight.

Lucky we are in love.

Why I Will Never "Indulge" in ONS.

I don't need marriage, I don't need black words on a piece of white paper to have consensual sex with somebody I love to feel adequate and loved.

I just need the same amount of weight on my bed before the night commence and when the night bids goodbye. Should that be made impossible, then I should not be made to feel the difference.

The feeling is similar to checking into a hotel for transit. Unless you are fine about bringing a chick somewhere to screw for the sake of screwing, I'm sure many of you who did that felt embarrassed for the first few times. And btw, I'm thinking that you stopped feelings embarrassed after the first few times not because you are already comfortable with doing that but because you know you will get over it once your pants hit the carpeted floor. And because I know, women need a reason for sex, men only need a place.

And girls, doesn't it just feels like a ONS? A quickie?
As far as I know, both of the above gives me nothing I cannot acheive from a bar of chocolate - sticky fingers and guilt.
Even whores check out the motel with their fuckers, most of the time.
Even if they don't, I'm sure they don't lie in bed mourning over the dick that just banged and bye-d.

I've NEVER said that sex should come with love. I know that love and lust don't always keep the same company, but even if it cannot reflect love or affection, then it should at least not make me feel miserable.

This is why, you should start listening to me when I say ONS are off limits for me. It feels silly shifting and rolling on the bed alone, trying to deny the sudden empty spaces around you instead of walking right out the door like what every man is capable of doing and will do at least once in their life.

Or maybe it is worse for me when I insist love to come with sex in my life. I bet it feels okay sleeping with somebody who walks out the door once he had his feast because that's just a mutual exchange of satisfaction. If I'm a woman who needs sex, independent of the source, why would I want to keep him for a second longer after his job is done?

What? So that he can have another free go?
One free gift is called a prize, a hundred pieces of that is call charity.

And what the sio gan, I don't exactly have that sorta charitable character.

Love is deep, but sex can only go a few inches.
However, both feels as empty when withdrawn.

ps: I'm not writing this because I just slept with a wrong person. I understand the reasons why people cannot do what they want to do.

Life sucks lately.
Everybody was out drinking last night.
Somebody lost somebody close FOREVER and my fav THB just broke up ( the last time I read).

:)

I should be grateful that I don't have to leave my chair to be tipsy.

Good that I know what can knock me out easily.

I'm hoping for an early night today, although,

I have nothing to look forward tomorrow.

Life is so good, that's why we should celebrate it with spirits.